I created this site mostly as an outlet for myself: a broke, lovestarved, soon to be 28-year-old reporter who can't afford new tires for her Hyundai but who can tell the shit out of a poop joke. (For proof of the latter, just read through to the end. I promise you won't be disappointed). For the privilege of making less money than a parking meter on an Amish compound, I write for a once proud daily newspaper now owned by another greedy soulless bloodsucking hippopotamusfucking corporate media mercenary. This sweltering syphilitic sore embedded in Satan's ass hair who shall remain nameless is exceptionally notorious in the newspaper world for starving his employees and bleeding their publications dry, as his multibillion dollar conglomerate spreads across the country like 'The Nothing' in "The Neverending Story."
Like most journalists I know, I am trapped in a psychological and emotional purgatory of my own making. I teem with a combination of smugness and self-loathing; depression and mania; disgust for and jealousy of the upper class. I balance my heartfelt longing to effect change through objectivity with my thinly veiled contempt for anyone whose views differ from my own. To suppress the fear of my own extinction in the Digital Age, I drink a lot of rum on the weekends.
Since I will probably never host a late night talk show on HBO, I am hoping this site will serve as venting grounds for everyone who is just one more sexless night or suffocating workday in their suburban business park away from popping open a vein in their stepmom's kitchen sink. Say what you want about the Internet: it fills a need. What we can't publish in the mainstream media we can write here--toxic, uncensored and free of charge. In fact, I'd like to establish a real forum for unhealthy open hostility.
So bring on your thoughts and commentaries. Like movies? Write a review. Hate your brother-in-law? Post an original cartoon of him licking the shit streak off the thong of a 50-year-old stripper. (See? I told you I'd deliver).
In short, welcome to my blog!
4 comments:
Lovely!
-Blev
Well...post something!
Um, you have to post something to get this going.....
so you had me laughing outload in the COD. thats the chamber of death where I study. I would pay twice that to see some actual horse on man action, but right, zippo for some pseudointellectual flick on horsefucking. I miss you bean....by the way did they give out the email address or telephone number for any of those horse...you know, cause I want to advocate for them...save them....uh...yeah...
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