Bea Arthur, the acid-tongued but endearing comedic genius after my own heart who was known by my generation primarily as Dorothy on "The Golden Girls," died today at 86. It really seems like just yesterday I was cracking up at her signature one-liners with my mom, my aunt and my grandma on Saturday nights in the 80s when GG was part of that line-up that began with "227" and ended with "Empty Nest." Even at age 10, I found her crusty deadpan inspiring.
Twenty years later and I'm a devotee of the reruns on Lifetime. Just hearing that opening theme song is like downing a bunch of comfort food. I'm not embarrassed to admit ... OK maybe a little embarrassed to admit ... that my friend got me a bona fide "Stay Golden" Golden Girls t-shirt for my birthday. I've seen every episode dozens of times but they never seem to get old-- a feat owed largely to Bea's brilliant portrayal of 6-foot tall Dorothy and the timelessly wicked onscreen chemistry she had with "Ma," played by 5-foot tall Estelle Getty (another recently fallen Golden Girl). Definitely one of the great female comics of all time, as evidenced by the tens of thousands of mourners who have lamented her passing on YouTube and all throughout cyberspace.
I love you, Bea! Thank you for being a friend!
Some of her most memorable lines as Dorothy:
Sophia: I'm saving the money for my old age.
Dorothy: Old age?? You don't leave fingerprints anymore!
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Rose: Well, I'm here if you want to pick my brain.
Dorothy: Rose, maybe we should leave it alone and let it heal.
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Blanche: I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo.
Dorothy: That's . . . pretty jumpy.
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Rose: Can I ask a really dumb question?
Dorothy: Better than anyone I know.
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Rose: I'm concerned about nuclear war!
Dorothy: And just yesterday, her biggest concern was whether Bubbles the Chimp was traveling with Michael Jackson against his will.
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Rose: I couldn't sleep, so I whipped up a batch of Sverhoeven Crispies. It's a traditional midnight snack from St. Olaf dating back to Viking times.
Dorothy: Well, I guess after a hard night of pillaging and raping, a Viking would want a little something to go with his cocoa.
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Mr. Haha (the clown): Well, it says here on my “Haha Birthday List” that Bobby is 7, Jeanie is 9, and Dorothy is...
Dorothy: I’ll punch your heart out, Haha.
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Blanche: I was once told I bore a striking resemblance to Cheryl Ladd... but my bosoms are perkier.
Dorothy: Not even if you were hanging upside-down from a trapeze.
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Rose: I don't think lying is really a good idea. I once cut school and that proved very bad.
Dorothy: Oh, Rose. We've all cut school. It couldn't have been that bad.
Rose: Oh, yes it was. That was the day they taught EVERYTHING.
Dorothy: The final piece of the puzzle.
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[Sophia wants a new TV, but Dorothy plans to use the money to pave the driveway over]
Sophia: And what will I do when every other old lady on the block is watching The Cosby Show?
Dorothy: Well, Ma, I guess you can sit on the new driveway and hope an amusing black family comes along.
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[Discussing a bad actress who played Anne Frank in a community theater play]
Dorothy: I mean, for the entire second act, the audience kept yelling, "She's in the attic, she's in the attic!"
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Rose: I just found out that baked Alaska can actually be made locally.
Dorothy: Rose, I have an even bigger scoop for you: Mars Bars are made right here on Earth.
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[Introducing her ex-husband, who she hates and who always wears a bad toupee]
Dorothy: This is my ex-husband, Stan. And this is his hair.
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(knock on door. Dorothy opens it, and it's Stan)
Stan: It's me, Stan.
Dorothy: Oh, really? With that hair I thought you were Ted Danson.
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[Plumber knocks on the door. Dorothy opens the door and sees the plumber standing there, holding a toilet]
Plumber: You called for a plumber?
Dorothy: Could I see some identification?
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[Rose and Dorothy are attempting to move a new toilet into the bathroom]
Rose: Oh, don't give up, Dorothy. If the ancient Egyptians could move 20-ton stone blocks to build the pyramids, we can move a toilet.
Dorothy: Fine, Rose. Get me 20,000 Hebrews and I'll see what I can do.
